Friday, October 2, 2015

Thoughts of My Heart

Babies, babies, babies!

They're on my brain and on my heart.

And it seems like SO many friends are having one (or another one!) It's so exciting, and I've been making a little list in my quiet time journal as a reminder to pray for each mama and babe for health and a smooth pregnancy.

My devotions of late have served as a great reminder to rejoice with those who rejoice and to live a life worthy of the calling I have received-  which involves living a life of love. The Holy Spirit is working in the body of Christ to mature each of us and unify us. And being fully entrenched in mothering toddlers, I think it's important to stick together with my fellow mamas.

Which, back to the babies thing, it's been struggle-city over here to not feel jealous. To question why it's not my turn again. To see that timeline in my head that just isn't going to happen (Irish twins? I would have said bring it on!) To take a pregnancy test just because, knowing in my head that it will be negative, but still feeling crushed when I actually see it. It's hard being at church, seeing all my pregnant friends, then spending the entire service feeling sad and wondering why I can't be one of them.

God's plan for me, for our family, is just different than His plans for my friends. I know that I have so much to be thankful for, and am so incredibly blessed to be married and to have two babies to call my own. And I know that I'm not the only one that struggles with this. When you get the desire to have a baby, it's hard to shake. And there's really only so much you can do to "control" the situation.

God's timing is always right and will always win. He knows what I can handle. He is all that I need, and the only thing that can fill any kind of void. For now, I'll rely on Him to make it through each day, I'll rejoice with those that are celebrating a new blessing, and I'll pray that maybe someday it will be my turn again. My turn to feel little movements of new life, to snuggle a newborn, and watch Luke become a daddy all over again.

[the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. galatians 5:6b]

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