They're on my brain and on my heart.
And it seems like SO many friends are having one (or another one!) It's so exciting, and I've been making a little list in my quiet time journal as a reminder to pray for each mama and babe for health and a smooth pregnancy.
My devotions of late have served as a great reminder to rejoice with those who rejoice and to live a life worthy of the calling I have received- which involves living a life of love. The Holy Spirit is working in the body of Christ to mature each of us and unify us. And being fully entrenched in mothering toddlers, I think it's important to stick together with my fellow mamas.
Which, back to the babies thing, it's been struggle-city over here to not feel jealous. To question why it's not my turn again. To see that timeline in my head that just isn't going to happen (Irish twins? I would have said bring it on!) To take a pregnancy test just because, knowing in my head that it will be negative, but still feeling crushed when I actually see it. It's hard being at church, seeing all my pregnant friends, then spending the entire service feeling sad and wondering why I can't be one of them.
God's plan for me, for our family, is just different than His plans for my friends. I know that I have so much to be thankful for, and am so incredibly blessed to be married and to have two babies to call my own. And I know that I'm not the only one that struggles with this. When you get the desire to have a baby, it's hard to shake. And there's really only so much you can do to "control" the situation.
God's timing is always right and will always win. He knows what I can handle. He is all that I need, and the only thing that can fill any kind of void. For now, I'll rely on Him to make it through each day, I'll rejoice with those that are celebrating a new blessing, and I'll pray that maybe someday it will be my turn again. My turn to feel little movements of new life, to snuggle a newborn, and watch Luke become a daddy all over again.
[the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. galatians 5:6b]