|ran the MD Race for the Family 5K|
I've gone back and forth between being content and knowing that God is in control, to spiraling into feeling really sad and like God doesn't care. Usually it's when I see or hear about a bunch of other pregnancy announcements that I start to feel the "why not me?" and "when will it be my turn?" questions coming back. I've gone through phases where I've completely shut out social media because I just don't want to see it. I am happy for my friends because I know that every single baby is a blessing, but it's still hard.
Back in June, I ran a 5K that I randomly found out about while driving to one of my appointments at Shady Grove. After dropping the kids off at my mom's, I was stopped at a light and saw a sign for the MD Race for the Family 5K and saw that it was hosted by Shady Grove Fertility. I quickly snapped a picture of the sign, and when I got to the waiting room for my appointment, I looked it up online. As soon as I saw that it was a race to increase awareness and raise funds for infertility, I knew I wanted to do it. The race also included a raffle for a giveaway worth $10,000 for fertility treatments. I knew my one little entry wouldn't give me much of a chance, but I wanted to support the cause anyhow.
The race itself was fun- we ran through the Baltimore Zoo, around the lake in Druid Hill Park, and then back to the zoo. They had fun activities for kids, and the race entry included your entry to the zoo for the day. I stayed to the end of the race festivities, and I'm so glad I did. The founder of the Tinina Q. Cade Foundation spoke, and shared their story of infertility. I cried through it, and again when they announced the winner of the raffle. She encouraged everyone going through infertility to not give up.
I'm praying for a baby, and if that's not what God wants for us, I'm praying that He will make it very clear to us and give us wisdom. And I'm praying that He'll help me cling to Him- because lot's of days, that's really hard.